Lists, Topics

Things That Should Be In The Winter Olympics

Okay so the Olympics are in full swing now, but they don’t seem to be as exciting as in years past. I think the main reason for this is because the world is Putin up with Russia and there’s a little bit of tension around the safety of the location. But I think that the Olympics are also suffering from a lack of exciting games and sports. So I’ve compiled a list (YES ANOTHER LIST GET OVER IT) of activities that should’ve been included in the Winter Olympics.

#1 Ice Fishing
Imagine the thrill of getting to watch men and women sit on a chair and try to catch exotic fish for a medal! You could spend hours analyzing the type of bait they would use, the model of the fishing pole, even put in underwater cameras that show any aquatic activity! Or just imagine the conversations between the sportscasters, “Oh wait I think he has a bite…nope just twitching…wait is he asleep???” The winners would obviously be the one who actually
a. caught a fish
b. had a fish that weighed more than the other fish that were also caught by other competitors.
Or you could go simply off of quantity of fish caught.

#2 Ice Sculpting
WHY hasn’t this been included yet? As much as we love our beaches and sand castles, wouldn’t it be riveting TV to see men and women going crazy carving up huge blocks of ice? I tend to think of the show Cake Boss on the Food Network in this instance. People of all ages watch Cake Boss to see who is the best at making the most amazing and decorated cake out of literally nothing. Why can’t the Olympics do the same thing with ice? Just give the contestants a 500 pound block of the stuff and tell them to make the most creative thing they can in 2 hours. That would be incredible! Ice flying everywhere, blow-torches being used to melt it down faster, and the immense pressure to get it exactly right would be must-see TV. The winner would be the country with the most cohesive and creative sculpture of course, and the judges would need to be experts on art and the fineness of what constitutes a good sculpture.

#3 Snow Angel Contest
I see this as the equivalent to the Summer Olympics’ long jump event. If there is still an event where you get a medal based on how far you can jump after a running start, something that most if not all humans are able to do, than it shouldn’t be “medal worthy.” But it is, so let’s give snow angel enthusiasts a chance! It’s simple, whoever can make the most complete snow angels in two minutes wins. There will be judges to make sure the angels are actually “done right” and from there, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place will be decided.

#4 Snowball Making/ Snowman Making
First snowball making. If Buddy the elf were in fact a real person, he’d be the undisputed champion. Like snow angels, whoever can make the most well-crafted snowballs (in 5 minutes though) wins the competition. The key is speed and compactness for the snowballs. Think of the drama if one country used an illegal glove that makes snow easier to grip and form! There’s so many different techniques to use in snowball making too, so analysis of “formation and completion” of the snowball making process is endless. This could be entertainment at its best.
For snowman building, the same concept exists, you have 4 minutes to create a snowman in the most elaborate and creative way you can think. No accessories can be used, only the snow. Shapes of snowmen don’t have to be circles, you can be as creative as you want (examples include: squares, hexagons, rhombus[rhombi? rhombuses?], triangles, JUST BE CREATIVE).

#5 Downhill Sled Racing (singles and doubles)
This is my solution to bobsled and luge. Both are boring and dangerous so why not eliminate both and replace them with downhill sledding? This is WAY more fun to watch and it’s essentially a race with every other country that puts a team or individual forward. It’s no different from sledding down a hill with your friends, except the Olympic race hill will be larger and have more obstacles to dodge (you know, snowmen, trees, ramps to jump off of, snowball catapults). I’m thinking a downhill ski competition-length hill so there’s drama between who can get the gold medal. It’s every childhood dream put on a huge stage for the world to see.

Each and every one of these events are easy to implement and will be a welcomed addition to the Winter Olympics by anyone who cares to watch. Every activity is fun and exciting and will invite audiences from every age to tune in. What do you think? I do believe we should be Putin these ideas forward to the Olympic Committee. Let’s do it.

Standard
Humor, Topics

R A I N

Today it’s raining.
Today’s rain is very cold.
Rain brings life.
Rain brings change.
Rain brings rest.
Rain brings thought.
Deep thought.
Thoughts that reflect.
Like a mirror.
Rain is like a mirror.
Mirrors are weird.
Have you ever thought that if the reflection in the mirror moved away first, you would disappear?
Disappearing would be neat.
Neat and tidy.
Not taking up space or matter.
Just like my room.
Neat and tidy and clean.
Cleaning is a strange thing.
It’s almost cathartic for some people.
People obsess.
Obsessions lead to addictions.
My Strange Addiction is a strange show.
What if there was a show about someone whose strange addiction was watching My Strange Addiction?
It’d be a show about someone obsessing about watching the show about obsessions.
How upsetting.
Upset people are sad.
I don’t like it when people are sad.
Sadness can be easily fixed by food though.
Food.
I’m hungry.
Maybe I should get some Chick-Fil-A.
It’s too far to drive though.
Driving is neat.
But driving today isn’t neat.
There’s lots of traffic because of the weather.
And the weather is wet.
Wet because of the rain.
Rain kinda sucks.
I’m gonna go sit in my bed and watch Netflix now.
Thanks, rain.

Standard