Lists, Topics

“Click”

Ok, so who all has a Snapchat©?

Okay, so fun poll aside, Snapchat© (for those of you who do not know) is an iPhone and Android app that is like text-messaging with pictures. The only difference is that you can set a time limit on how long the recipient can view the photo.***

***2016 UPDATE*** Okay wow, what a difference almost three years makes. Now Snapchat© allows users the ability to put filters on your face, whether still or animated. This update has caused several things to happen, good and bad.

Many of our generation’ college or high school users have the app “Snapchat©” and go around our respective campuses and homes snapping away, usually looking like fools in the process. As an observer of people who snap in public (I’m going to be using “snap” as a verb for taking selfies, just go with it), I’ve noticed that there are some unwritten rules to the Snapchat© game. This article will helpfully outline the do’s and don’ts of successful snapchatting, and what to do if you’re caught in a bad snap situation.

The Unwritten Rules of Snapchat©

Do: Make the craziest face you can. It’s important to scare the person that you’re snapping as quickly as possible.

Don’t: Duckfaces are illegal in Snapchat© unless, you are, of course, a duck.

Don’t: Snapchat©  someone if the two of you are in the same room. How lazy are you?!?!

Do: Snap your buddies. You and your friends should (hopefully) enjoy looking at each other for up to 10 seconds

Don’t: Snap your parents. No.

Do: Snap your food. Everyone NEEDS to know what you’re eating at that moment. Oh wait, sorry, I got that mixed up with Instagram©.

Don’t: Be afraid of that little ghost at the top of the loading screen. It’s not that scary.

Do: Live-snap events. Nothing impresses your friends more than live snapping something they aren’t doing. Especially concerts. In fact, make live snapping only exclusive to concerts. Nothing like missing out on great music while you’ve got your head in your phone!

Do: Snap random strangers. This will only make sure you end up on some bad part of the internet getting scrutinized for eternity. How else will you become famous?

Do: Draw creative things on your snap. The more creative, the better

Don’t: Under-utilize the animated snap features or face filters. Look, we all know face swap is straight from hell, but the puppy filter? Come on, how cute is that! Nothing says, “I’m a dog!” better than posting a saved snap of your face with a puppy’s nose and ears on Instagram© for everyone to see. It’s not like humans were meant to look like dogs or have weird contortions of the face (see: unicorn filter, face squeeze filter, any other live face filter for that matter).

Don’t: Snap with your phone’s sound on. Unless you are at home, keep the sound off. Nothing is more embarrassing than hearing the “CLICK” sound in the middle of class because you were bored of the lecture. Just keep it silent.

Do: Snap in public.* There are lots of fun places that you can be to snap your friend like the mall, park, grocery store, and with those places come props and objects you can use to enhance the humor of the snap.

*This is in place for certain people who give out The Look. Listen, some people don’t fully understand snapping, so for those of you that don’t get it, I understand the strange poses and faces people make at their phones all the time, but hey, I do that too. Just don’t glare at us like we’re some strange species obsessed with our cellphones because we aren’t ok….. Just, give us a break. And for the people who get The Look directed towards you, just keep doing your thing. More than likely, The Looker is just jealous he/she doesn’t have friends to snap.

Don’t: Put yourself in dangerous or life threatening situations to get a funny picture. Believe me, it will cross your mind. Don’t do it. That cliff is better without someone falling off.*

*Unless that dangerous place is a car. Everyone knows it’s ok to snap and drive… it’s not like texting or anything…

Do: Have occasional contests for the funniest snap. Or most creative. It’s a good change-up if the only thing you’re doing is texting with a picture of your sad and boring face.

Do: Take severe advantage of special occasions and holidays. Great snapping opportunities.

Do: Drag random people into your snap with you. It’s always gonna end well for you and be fun for the other person too!*

*Especially if that random person is someone famous. BONUS POINTS for Kanye West

Don’t: Utilize snap-video unless extremely necessary. Because extremely necessary is only when you’re twerking/dabbing/crumping/whatever the cook kids are doing duh. No one should miss that.

Well that’s all I can think of. Hope this small list of Snap etiquette helps you out in the real world. Just remember to be smart about it and have fun!

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Dating, Topics

The Worst Date Ever

Alec is a very nice young man. He’s a Junior in High School and is about to go on a Valentines Day dinner date with his girlfriend, Susie.  Alec had just asked her to dinner the previous day and she couldn’t contain her excitement about the prospect of a romantic night out. So that night he got ready as fast as he possibly could, and got ready to pick Susie up around 4pm. As he drove to her house, he imagined the fun the two would have at dinner. When Alec arrived, he escorted her to the car, and the two briefly shared hugs and got in the car. As they pulled out of the driveway, Alec exclaimed about how “pumped” he was to get to dinner and order the biggest steak on the menu. Susie giggled as she imagined the struggle Alec was bound to have with the steak he’d order, as he usually did with steaks. He always ordered well done, making it impossible to chew easily. The two enjoyed small talk until Susie noticed a small object in the middle of the road up ahead. She stared at it up until she realized it was a small bunny rabbit.

“Alec, watch out for the bunny, don’t hit it,” Susie exclaimed, but by then it was too late.

A small thud later and Susie let out a small squeal. Alec slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road.

“Is everything ok sweetie,” he asked, trying to sound comforting, but checking his watch at the same time, eager to get to dinner on time.

“No, not really,” Susie said sadly, “That poor rabbit just died… Can we go bury it?”

“What!?” Alec gasped, not believing what he just heard.

“It’s the least we could do, since you ran it over,” Susie said as she slowly glared at Alec.

Alec: “You can’t be serious.”

Susie: “Oh, I’m dead serious.”

Alec sat there in the seat stunned at what was happening. He quickly told Susie that he didn’t have anything to move the rabbit with or anything to bury it with either. Susie then retorted that they could just use sticks and gave him puppy eyes and a few tears until he finally gave in and hopped out of the car. Susie followed close behind as the two approached the mangled roadkill, now covered in flies. Susie covered her eyes and Alec,  while dressed in khakis with a button down and tie, grabbed a stick and dug a makeshift “grave” for the rabbit. He then rolled the remains off the road and into the small divot in the ground, all the while Susie, who was still covering her eyes, sobbed hysterically.

Alec: “Okay, it’s buried. Let’s go to dinner.

Susie: “(through tears) Can’t we have a funeral for it first? Please?”

Alec, getting extremely impatient at this point, argued his point about their lateness to dinner, but Susie wouldn’t budge until the bunny could rest in peace(s). So Alec with no sympathy, gave a quick speech about, “how the bunny never got a chance for potential greatness,” and Susie chimed in with words along the lines of, “I will always remember the kindness of your little bunny heart.” It was a little strange. Finally done with the bunny mess, the two got back in the car and started driving away. Susie then said, “Alec, take me home.”

Alec: “What? Why!??!”

Susie: “Because, I can’t go to dinner with you. You’re a bunny killer. I can’t date someone who just runs over bunny rabbits like there’s no tomorrow.”

Alec: “You can’t be serious.”

She was. After all of that mess, Alec drove her back home and dropped her off at her house. The whole ride back was spent by Susie mumbling under her breath about how, “Alec had no regard for other life forms.” After she got inside and out of view, Alec, so flustered and scatterbrained about what had just happened, called his friend Randy, and asked if he was busy. He wasn’t. The two friends then met up at the fancy restaurant that Susie was supposed to accompany Alec to, and ate two heaping plates of steak. The two shared a laugh about the nights events and enjoyed a nice dinner. All the while, Alec still scatterbrained about the rabbit, decided to forget about Susie and the craziness surrounding her love for rabbits. It was a night both to forget and remember.

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