Humor, Topics

Thoughts from a five year old

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a baker. Do you realize how ludicrous this is??? A child, wanting to be a baker! Let’s take a moment and discuss how crazy this is. Today’s world is void of bakeries as far as I can tell. Nowadays you have Starbucks©, Panera Bread©, Puffy Muffin™, etc. to fill your need of a bagel or whatnot to go along  with your morning coffee. Gone are the “Bakeries” that we thought about as kids. You know, real bakeries. The ones where you walk in and the air smells like cookies, the man behind the counter has some sort of accent and there is smooth jazz music playing over the speakers. You walk up to the nearest display and see cakes, pies, bagels, cookies, anything sweet and tasty that you could ever imagine is packed into that little display, and that’s just scratching the surface! Get the picture yet? NO? Ok, here let me show you:

(this is from a Whole Foods Market©, but still, look at those cupcakes!)

So I’m here to do the unexpected, and that is to crush your childhood dreams. That’s right America, welcome to 2013, where everyone gets a desk job, but only if you slave through college and get a business degree first. The problem with modern America is the fact that kids nowadays are getting more and more pushed into a culture of fast paced darwinism (every kid for himself); “whoever gets their education the fastest with the best grades gets the highest paid job title as a ________” and we are left to fill in the blank, as long as it isn’t something too crazy like an astronaut or baker or superhero. That’s right, your childhood dreams are garbage. Sorry to crush them like that but it had to be done. How else are you going to be disappointed enough to be suppressed and mopey when you get to your desk job? That’s why being an adult sucks stinks! We grow up and realize that there is NOTHING we can do to change the fact that we can’t live up to our full potential as a working American unless we’re doing something we utterly hate. HA HA HA.

“But wait Scott,” you say to yourself as you’re reading this, “isn’t this supposed to be an uplifting and funny post?” And I’ll counter with, “YES, you impatient worm, I just haven’t gotten to that point yet.” And you’ll say, “Okay, no need to shout.” And then I’ll apologize for yelling, you’ll forgive me, and we both go back to doing our own thing. Anywayyyy, that’s why I brought up my sick, twisted childhood dream of becoming a baker up in the first place. Because we can accomplish our dreams.

That’s right, we can accomplish our childhood dreams, and that’s what makes children great  (actually, children are scary, but that’s a topic for a different day). They have the innocence and minds big enough to imagine something that only they can dream up! And even if they get to college and that dream of being a baker is long gone because of the rapidly changing world, that’s ok, because there is so much more out there! Only people who don’t care enough let themselves get into a rut of routine and boring jobs, and let’s face it, we all will have worked at least one or two boring jobs before we settle down doing something we love. So don’t listen to people who tell you that money is everything and that college is the key to success. BECAUSE IT ISN’T. Yes, they both make a positive impact on life, but don’t conform to everything you hear. If you don’t take risks you’ll miss out on something great that God could have in store for you. So get out there future bakers, firemen, superheroes, telephone operators, dentists, whatever else children dream of becoming (except for animals, because you can’t become an animal)! Go follow your dreams! And you might just change the world in the process.

Just don’t aim for being a baker. They still don’t exist anymore.

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